The Pit of Incompetence
January 24, 2012
The concept makes sense… the longer you do a job and are in a role, the more that is expected of you and unless you continue to take on new challenges and up your game, your value decreases. In order to expand skills and consistently perform at the top of your game, there are stretch periods needed to flex new muscles and question/explore ways of accomplishing important goals.
When this concept was articulated to me last month our my leadership training session, it also hit me right between the eyes that I have two choices. One – stay in role and actively explore new and challenging opportunities that go beyond the “expected”.. or two — take on a completely new role that pushes me into unfamiliar territory — even areas I don’t know — and work through the incompetence toward a significant period of growth. That incompetence — known as the “pit of incompetence” is a very uncomfortable place to be — but is essential to continued growth.
Wow. What does that look like? As the new year brings new opportunities to “reset” I have no choice but to embrace the creation of big goals. That may look like new work opportunities. It may look like articulating current role goals I’ve been afraid to share with others before. As Bahram Akradi – the Founder of LifeTime Fitness notes in one of his Life Wisdom articles, “success in most endeavors comes from clear, precise and thoughtful setting of goals, combined with a real commitment to making them happen – even if it takes a while.”
Bahram notes too that 1) setting clear goals and having accountability around them, as well as 2) both in personal and professional life establishing a habit of finding and stretching ones comfort zone and inviting others around us into the process are both essential to the “culture of growth, a culture of celebrating successes.”
I couldn’t have said it better than Akradi: “Expect Resistance, and greet it with excitement when it comes! That’s your opportunity for growth, right there.”
Leadership: Being Intentional
December 12, 2011
Fresh off of a leadership training week in Atlanta with peers from around the country, it would be quite easy to fall back into normal rhythms without truly internalizing all that I’ve just absorbed. By sharing some of my personal learnings here, I hope to avoid that. Therefore, my ‘download.” For starters, the concept of being intentional — at home and at work. I’ve had discussions around this with those I respect, but this really brought it home to me, in a few core ways….
1) When we first arrived on Tuesday, we drew names of a peer for the ritual of ”the giving of gifts.” In the time we had together, we were to work to get to know (or at least notice something about) the person whose name we drew. At the end of the week, we gave that person a gift and shared something that stood out to us about him or her. I received a fantastic little puzzle map of the world from my friend Kevin, based on a number of things I had mentioned in small group settings over dinner — namely that I’d been to Machu Picchu and that I loved to do things with my children. When he gave me the puzzle he specifically noted that it was “to plan your next adventure together.” No, this exchange is nothing earthshattering, but it taught me a lesson about listening intently and deliberately working to notice or learn a few key things about those with whom I work, live and interact.
In fact, this is hitting home now as we go through the ritual of preparing and sending our Christmas cards. The House of Klause has a pretty big (although everything is relative) list of families/individuals to whom we send yearly greetings. We send about 230 and it’s growing. What struck me yesterday as I read the list was the “new additions” — those people we’d met in the last year who have impacted us in some way. On the flip side, going through the list, there are a number of families with whom our interactions are limited to the exchange of cards. Yet, they don’t come off the list. There is some intangible connection there to which we cling. We are intentional about keeping and building this network. Footnote: some cynics might argue that Facebook has changed this whole dynamic, but I believe there is irreplaceable value in the reciprocity and ritual of sending holiday greetings.
2) The second core concept around being intentional explores the difference between amateurs and professionals. If you’ve ever read the Gladwell book Outliers, then you know that Professionals PRACTICE. They don’t just practice. They log thousands of hours in getting things right. They go right to that exercise, that music measure, that problem unresolved and work it work it work it until they get it. Instead of playing the whole song, they intentionally wallow in the tough spots until they get them down. Only then, do they afford themselves the luxury of playing the piece in its entirety. It’s a simple concept but by truly working on that which we need to stretch and stepping into areas of discomfort, growth follows. Well, I put this into immediate practice with Mia in her piano practice last night! We wallowed in the very measure that introduced playing both hands together. It. Was. Hard. But we — together — learned an incredible lesson about digging into the hard stuff and finding little successes…. and big rewards!
Next up…. “The Pit of Incompetence”…. AKA “The Pit of Success.”
Springbutt (#2): Travel
November 29, 2011
Although I have this strange secret love of airports, I really do not enjoy spending time in the air or in the car. Yet, I travel quite a bit. And it is exhausting.
This next month is shaping up to be a doozy. With a work trip to Atlanta, and car trips currently planned for Pennsylvania for 1) my college girlfriends’ Christmas gathering, 2) my High School girlfriends Christmas gathering, 3) our Neff Christmas, 4) the Siegrist gathering and 5) the Good family gathering, that means numerous back and forths. Yes, we’re used to it, but is that really the best way to relax and soak in the Season with my kids and Rob?
I’m caught trying to be the good daughter, the good niece (who makes it to every reunion), the good employee, and, oh yeah, the good wife and mother who’s not completely crazed and crabby because of all the packing and unpacking she’s doing.
With aging aunties and uncles, there is a level of importance to these functions that is often unspoken. Yet I also know it takes a toll on the time that my little clan has together, just us.
Frankly, I don’t yet know what will come off the plate…..or will I again try to do it all?!
Cyber MomDay
November 28, 2011
How convenient! Cyber Monday. As if a stampeding herds of human cattle on Black Friday weren’t enough! We now have another great marketing invention (born in the reality of an emerging habit and cultivated in the petri dish of “what makes American shoppers tick.” There were no fewer than 10 emails in my Hotmail account when I woke up this morning, all of them offering a wicked deal today. Even the hotels points programs aren’t missing a beat, offering me a special rate on my next stay…if I book NOW.
Materialism aside (my mother-in-law informed all her children over Thanksgiving that we are very materialistic; note to self), the reality is that we all have shopping lists, people for whom we need to buy (including the mother-in-law), and a budget with which to do it. So, whether or not you’ve waited til today to check out your favorite online shopping destinations, first go make your list, then at least give online retailers a shot. My favorites for working moms who undoubtedly are managing “THE LIST” for the household……
- AMAZON! Rob and I signed up for Amazon’s Prime program this year. Yes, it costs $80 but with Christmas, the last minute needs, and our — ehem — struggle with instant gratification, it is more than paying for itself for us. We have quite literally bought everything from a massive table saw (that had to be delivered in an 18-wheeler) to… well, duh… books. Amazon is also great for LEGOS, as we have several Lego obsessed children in the Klause/Joss clan.
- Ten Thousand Villages! I’ve talked about Ten Thousand Villages numerous times on this blog. After joining the Board of Directors last year, I tested out the online store for Christmas 2010. Not only were the small jewelry items I purchased perfectly wrapped and protected, but the home decor items came beautifully packaged with small tag descriptors that told a story about where each item originated and the artisans who helped to create it.
- Victoria’s Secret — Even if you’re not gearing up for the big Fashion Show this week, and in spite of the fact that telling all your Facebook friends what color bra you wear is so 2009, Victoria’s Secret continues to be where I like to get my girly on. Lately, my obsession has been pajamas. I have at least 4 sets of PJs from Victoria’s Secret– nothing X rated (much to Rob’s dismay), although one set is leopard print. My SIL over at BigRedKitchen might be the recipient of some new jammies this year. This usually stylish, hot mama revealed to me that she has been wearing the same moumou/t-shirt to bed for 10 years.
- Lilly’sKids — yes, you read that right. Christmas sweaters and kitschy decor aside, the Kids section of Lillian Vernon really has some adorable, personalized items, especially for girls. I’ve bought personalized gifts like sleeping bags, roller suitcases, flip flops, beach towels, water bottles and pencils. And it is actually PROOF that I took the time and ordered in advance to get my niece’s name on everything! And let’s face it… PotteryBarn took this good idea and perfected it even more… Lilly’s kids is just a heck of a lot cheaper.
Clearly, there are no earthshattering sites here. This Mama could use some new ideas but these have served me well over the last 5 years! My goal this year is to actually uncover some new online gems to help me complete the list… (more on that Excel sheet later!)
Happy (Cyber) Monday!
Springbutt (#1)
November 25, 2011
“But I’ll get the $200 necklace for $30 if I host a party……” And that is how it goes.
The (my) definition of Springbutt: “She (could be he) who jumps up to say “I will” when a volunteer opportunity is offered up.”
This is the story of my life. I am a slowly recovering Springbutt, that term of endearment that my husband uses to describe me. Are you? I have actually gotten better recently at saying “no” but am not completely cured. There are several reasons for this, as I see it:
1) The “I can do it all” syndrome, which, by the way, is a LIE. No one expects me to do it all, so why do I expect that of myself?
2) The commitment — like the jewelry party — is actually something I want to do and so I make a decision in the moment without examining all the consequences.
3) I have a genuine desire to be helpful. Plain and simple. In the case of the jewelry party, combined with #1 and #2 I thought it would help out my neighbor Laura if I signed up for a simple show.
In some sense, it is the combination of #1 and #3 that is dangerous. When I volunteer for something, I may not only be ill-qualified for said activity, but am preventing someone else from stepping up.
A few episodes at work over the past year brought to light my desire to say yes to too many people and projects. My leadership coach has been great, giving me several books to read about ‘saying no.’ Here is one:
In the meantime, I’m still planning a simple jewelry party in the coming week. Should have I signed up for this? Probably not. Perhaps acknowledging that is a step towards thinking twice next time I’m over-taxed. Am I looking forward to it? Yes!
My journey continues……
The (jewelry) party will go on...
Gratitude
November 23, 2011
According to Wikipedia, Gratitude, thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling, emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.
If there was only one thing that bubbled up for me as a “lesson” from Peru, it’s that we are overwhelmingly blessed here in America, so much so that we often don’t see it. In conversations with my best girlfriends, we so easily descend into the tougher parts of life — kids that aren’t sleeping, busyness that barely lets us breathe, the responsibilities of household tasks, and the list goes on.
And life can be tough. My challenge — and the challenge for all of us, I think, is to move beyond basic thankfulness for the “things” and the people in our lives and instead approach gratitude as a lifestyle, a discipline. In the middle of a pretty crappy day, it’s not an easy practice.
Once again, Henri Nouwen, gives inspiration, saying:
“Gratitude.. goes beyond the “mine” and “thine” and claims the trust that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now i realize that grattitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowlege that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.”
Grassroots Artisans in Peru..a Powerful View from Their World
November 8, 2011
When I joined the Board of Directors of Ten Thousand Villages, I expected to tap into my Mennonite heritage. I even knew it would be an opportunity to give back, using my skill set, for the cause of fair trade. What I didn’t expect was how much I would be educated on the difficult and messy work of finding sustainable, talented grassroots artisans and bringing their stories and products to North American markets.
Fresh off our Board trip to Lima, Peru, my heart is both proud and heavy because of the work we do. In all of our meetings – from the coiled wool weavers in Lima to the silversmith jeweler who works with his son in a back alley of Cusco — these artisans told us that Ten Thousand Villages accounts for the bulk of their business. They are able to send their children to University and hire more workers in a land of 40% unemployment because we have found them, spend time training them, and pay up front.
Most of these shops are small, largely undiscovered, and have relative degrees of sophistication — a combination which makes it difficult to break into North American markets. Most big retailers frankly won’t take the time or invest in the logistics of bringing these small shops their business.
Working with ethical, fair-trade minded groups like the Ten Thousand Villages network means access to North American markets ..and a chance to obtain many of the values and goals that truly know no borders… family advancement.. university….a good job…a fair wage…pride in one’s work. Turns out that people like Juan Carlos in Cusco, Peru are just like us.
The List
October 4, 2011
The little wake ups start around 4 AM….This morning’s went like this…
– schedule electrician
— call Mitchie with kids and sing Happy Birthday
— set up Wisconsin Public Radio interview
— finish monthly scorecard
— find babysitter for the 15th
— research Peru weather
— ask Nonni to alter Mia’s costume
Yes, the List. My list, swirling around in my head. I’m sure mine are not unlike many working moms’ lists. But that is why “I Don’t know How She Does It” was such a true-to-life movie. It captured the subtleties of the daily trade offs, the crazy schedules, the no-time-for-a-hair-appointment feeling (and look!), the joy (pure joy!) of time with my children, the fear of the teacher’s scowl when we’re late for drop off, the mommy guilt, the momsters who gloat that they have no mommy guilt, and that strange sense that amidst all this, I wouldn’t change my situation.
Sarah Jessica Parker — in her portrayal of Kate Reddy — captured a woman excelling at her job, adoring her kids, supporting at equally talented husband, and just plain trying to figure it all out without thinking she has to entirely give up any portion of the equation.
The movie does not sugar coat how important it is for her to be at the TOP of her game at work. Period. Full stop. No requests for special breaks because she’s a mom. She had to earn every inch of respect and reward.
And it doesn’t let her off at home either. She has an honest husband who watches her with amazement and pride, yet who knows when to holler “Uncle” as things spiral out of control. And let’s be honest. Sometimes they do.
Life is messy. Job stress ebbs and flows. Kids will need Rob and me more — not less - as they grow up. By no means can anyone tie things up in a perfect bow. But on Sunday night, the eve of my 13th wedding Anniversary, sitting in that dark theatre with my husband, watching what seemed like our own life unfold on that screen, we agreed that we wouldn’t want it any other way.
Without Flexibility..I Don’t Know How Anyone Does It….
September 27, 2011
It was October 2002 when I first became a working mom. Full time job. Four month old baby at home. Someone — other than my husband and me – who was helping with the care of our first child.
Fortunately, ever since that day, I have had the benefit of employers who champion flexibility in the workplace and the ability to work from home several days a week if I choose. Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t utilize day care, babysitters, and currently, after-care at my children’s school. I have and I do. And I’m actually a pretty big believer in the benefits of GOOD, group daycare, especially when the child care support system reinforces our Christian faith.
I know however, that as fortunate as I have been to take advantage of these benefits and have the money to pay for them, and am able to leave work to ensure I’m there for important milestones with my children…. there are many many women (and men!) in the working world who are ball and chained to desks, living the 9 to 5 grind with employers who neither take advantage of today’s technology to provide flexibility or (in my mind) worse, don’t trust their employees with the freedom to manage between work and home in creative ways.
I’m not sure where she’s going with this but I’m glad to know that the First Lady is helping to shine a light on the issue (as noted in this Politico story) by championing flexible work.. recognizing that in this Century, we need solutions that can accommodate the rigors of family life and thriving careers, both. I hope she gives her staff the flexibility that she touts. Because hers is a powerful voice….and with the “I Don’t Know How She Does It” movie in theatres, the timing is good!
Summer’s End
September 6, 2011
Hard to believe that today is that iconic day…the First Day of School. Which also means another thing… Summer is over. Here in the Klause household, we find ourselves somewhere between denial and anticipation of what’s to come this fall. Even Graham, who is very excited to see his friends at school, when asked how this summer was for him on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the worst, 10 the best), answered without skipping a beat, “10 million.”
It is hard to let go. So before I do, allow me to shine a visual light on some of our very best memories of Summer 2011.
First….the May bookend of Summer… Memorial Day on the Wolftrap Lawn waiting for the fireworks!
Another Memorial Day tradition.. planting our Summer Annuals!
We always celebrate Rob and Robin’s birthdays at the front end of Summer.
Once school was out it was Baseball and Swimming all the time! Who would have guessed that Graham would love baseball so much and Mia would be the only swimmer on her team to make All Star times in two strokes – back and freestyle!
Not without a little bit of “learning” Graham and Mia jumped right into Science and Cooking class. And they had a phenomenal babysitter Melissa, who reinforced creativity in the kitchen…
July brought the Neff vacation to the Outer Banks…we hadn’t been there since Graham was a baby, so having all the kids together with Mom and Dad at a place where Tim and I grew up vacationing was very special.
Ah, the beloved Lake…for the third year we celebrated Graham’s birthday here (with his second cake this summer)… we fished, swam, ate, relaxed, had lots of cousin time…. Pure Heaven.
And what would summer be without day trips…the National Zoo and Dutch Wonderland with Nana (where my Grandma used to take me each summer!)…..
Mia and I even squeeked in the DC Idol concert (she loves her Scotty!) and a visit to the National History Museum in the same day…
All good things may come to an end in one sense, but this Summer was, as Toby Keith likes to say “A big ‘en”.
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