If there was only one thing that bubbled up for me as a “lesson” from Peru, it’s that we are overwhelmingly blessed here in America, so much so that we often don’t see it.  In conversations with my best girlfriends, we so easily descend into the tougher parts of life — kids that aren’t sleeping, busyness that barely lets us breathe, the responsibilities of household tasks, and the list goes on.

And life can be tough.  My challenge — and the challenge for all of us, I think, is to move beyond basic thankfulness for the “things” and the people in our lives and instead approach gratitude as a lifestyle, a discipline.  In the middle of a pretty crappy day, it’s not an easy practice.

Once again, Henri Nouwen, gives inspiration, saying:

“Gratitude.. goes beyond the “mine” and “thine” and claims the trust that all of life is a pure gift.  In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now i realize that grattitude can also be lived as a discipline.  The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowlege that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.”

Post college, I could not get enough Naomi Wolf and Katie Roiphe, not because I agreed with everything they preached in their new wave of feminism, but because they were talking a language that was relevant to my generation.  They had a refreshing honesty about female independence.  Yet it seemed completely devoid of any faith perspective.

Then I met Lilian Calles Barger.  Not only did she bridge the world of intellectual feminism and faith together for me, but she refused to be trapped into all the big church-based questions that so many in my world got stuck on — “Can women lead in the church?”, “What is their proper ”role’?, etc.  She rightly pointed out that so many in the faith community are navel gasing and talking amongst themselves — yet have nothing to offer to the broader academic community when it comes to feminism and its tenants.  She dared to ask, “Why would (or should) we recommend wholesale rejection of feminist ideals without engaging thoughtful feminist academics on the basis of ideas?”

It’s Lilian who’s worked tirelessly to create a third way of feminism and faith discussion that avoids preaching, platitudes, and easy answers.  Classic Lilian….in one of her blog entries from the summer: 

“ Why can’t we get beyond this dicotomy between motherhood and work? Women, like men, have been created for two God given purposes, relationships and creative work. They are NOT mutually exclusive.”

Since she founded the Damaris Project in 1997, she has launched salons across the country to create forums for open, honest discussion about culture and feminism.  Lilian has also gone on to write books on our view of the body and the role or experience of Christian feminism. I love her unending quest for Truth.

“I spent a lot of time listening to the words of the Christmas music we played at home today while waiting for Riley to come home.  I am stunned as if I was hearing it for the first time, at the absolute miracle of my heavenly Father sending His son into dire circumstances to grow up and become the suffering servant and sacrifice for my sins.   As a parent, we continuely ache to subject Riley to treatments that cause him pain, which he doesn’t completely understand, but that will result in his healing. The love of God is just beyond words. So, please drink deeply from the well of joy and glad tidings that is Christmas–emmanuel, God with us.”

Merry Christmas.

By most accounts, last night’s event was  pretty standard Washington fare .. fancy house of an Ambassador, political jokes at the expense of both parties, accomplished speaker.   But what broke through all the fluff was the small (yet powerful) voices of  Monica, of Angelique — those lives transformed through Romanian Christian Enterprises (RCE). 

I have not known suffering in my life, nor have my children… nothing remotely close to the kind of evil visited on poor, disabled, abandoned children in that country.  For more than 15 years now, RCE has served them, clothed them, taught them, LOVED them, and often placed them in loving families —  in Romania.  Their work is so powerful and impact so great that not only do the local politicians support RCE, but the Romanian Federal government has given it its blessing and partnership. 

The organization is living out the life essence of the Hebrew man Job.  When we think of Job, we know he suffered, but we forget how he served…. Here from Job 29:12-17:

“I^(L) delivered the poor who cried for help,
   and the fatherless who had none to help him.
^13(M) The blessing of him who was^(N) about to perish came upon me,
   and I caused^(O) the widow’s heart to sing for joy.
¹⁴I^(P) put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
   my justice was like a robe and^(Q) a turban.
¹⁵I was^(R) eyes to the blind
   and feet to the lame.
¹⁶I was a father to the needy,
   and I searched out^(S) the cause of him whom I did not know.
¹⁷I^(T) broke^(U) the fangs of the unrighteous
   and made him drop his prey from his teeth.”

Each year, in Romania alone, nearly 5000 children exit the state system.  They are essentially released to the streets, seemingly destined to perpetuate the cycle of hopelessness and hurt that has been visited on them.   Evil spreads.  Yet mercy spreads too and there is hope.  There is a wideness to God’s mercy that is wider than the sea.  But it begins with those who are faithful.  God is using Romanian Christian Enterprises — and frankly the skills and dollars of people thousands of miles away  — to bring healing. 

Lord give me just a fraction of Job’s heart  — your heart — and mercy.

I could be talking about our 20th High School class reunion, and in part, I am.  It was an evening of laid back, unpretentious goodness.

But I’m also talking about the last 20 years of life.  wow.  It actually hit me that weekend.  There is only one chance at life. No do-overs (for the most part).  And it goes by fast.    The decisions we make in our late teens and 20s will impact us in one way or another for years to come.  In schooling.  Love life.  Career choices.   I am stating the obvious.   Yet, it’s not until you get to your mid 30s that you can really look back and see the collective impact of a number of choices along the way of life.  Starting with..where to go off to school?  And then…What job to take?   Can I move away from the only thing I know as home?  How long to stay at each job?  If the second date could be worth it?   With whom to stay in touch?

We attempt to reflect and simultaneously tell our selves there is no time to look back.  Yet, we are where we are and who we are because of the big and small decisions along the road – and a big dose of Sovereignty that we (at least I) can’t quite explain.   I’ve realized since that reunion weekend how fortunate I have been to have certain people in my life over the first half of it.  How I am, in part, who I am because of role they have played in my life.  Despite some of my choices, they have truly been God’s gracious gifts to me.

The coming years will speed by as my daughter grows into her own woman. How I wish to help her avoid some of the pain and angst it may take along her way, as she blossoms into who she is in Christ and figures out her own path. In typical Mia fashion, she’ll likely have some surprises for us — maybe rejecting the safe, the staid, the predictable…

She’s got “her whole life ahead of her” we so easily say..  Yet it will move lightening fast.   I just know it.   God, give her meaning.  And help her mom continue to find it afresh in her own second half of life.

However, the more important genes on my mind recently have been those that I’ve inherited.  My mother’s brush (still going on) with Cancer and my Grandma Good’s suffering from Alzheimer’s has brought a few realities of genetics (and dare I say, mortality) very close to home.  

There may be a discoverable genetic predisposition to cancer on the Siegrist side of the House.  As Mom’s doctors close in on a diagnosis after the last (non Ovarian cancer) weeks of uncertainty, we can take the next steps for her health.  We’ll then look at the potential benefits we could find (as a family) in genetic counseling.  As part of that, I want my Dad, my brother and me to explore the chances that each of us is in line for Alzheimers.   The emerging research here gives us reason for hope….

It’s only due to the incredible work taking place in genomics today that we’re now getting closer to a place of actually knowing — and in my mind better preparing for — what may lie ahead for each of us….    The work of the incredible Francis Collins, who led NIH’s Human Genome mapping effort (and now runs the show at NIH)… has led to the birth of pioneering efforts like 23andme.   And just this week, Linda Avey, one of 23andMe’s founders, announced that she is leaving the organization to start the Alzheimer’s Research Foundation.  Linda lost a father in law to Alzheimers, a personal impact so close to home that she’s preparing to give all of her professional energy and expertise to the alleviation of this sad, heart-wrenching disease.  

Though some genetic “gifts” (or in my deriere case “witholdings”) become clear much earlier in life, it is those yet undiscovered that are most fascinating…    Linda, sign me up to for your trials.

Thought her ovaries are now gone, thanks to a scheduled hysterectomy, my mother has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and will begin chemo in three weeks. My aunt Marti was diagnosed earlier this year with a form of abdominal cancer. And my aunt Eva was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year about this time…All of these different forms, each of these various stages and all discovered in different ways. Not since my Aunt Mim’s illness and death roughly 6 years ago has something like this hit our family so directly, yet never so frequently.

Siegrist blood runs through us...Mom, Mia, Marti and me

Genetics? Environmental? As of now, we don’t know. We’ve asked all the questions and will continue to ask more as my mom’s, my aunts’, and perhaps even my own path unfolds. We’ll study the disease, meet with the specialists at Johns Hopkins Ovarian Cancer Center, pray for healing — for all 3 women I mention, and seek peace amidst suffering. 

The only thing I know for sure right now is that grace can sustain these women, all followers of Christ, all deeply loved not only by us (their family), but by the Creator of the Universe.  My friend Sara Sicks, who wrote so beautifully and honestly on suffering last year as she was going through chemo for breast cancer, has summed it up in one of her posts…she says, “It is through the crucible of suffering that we can change and slowly become more beautiful …..   May God have his way with us so that we turn into the people we were meant to be, people who are joyful and satisfied with our place in God’s family (we are his beloved!).”

May we truly feel ALIVE… Indeed, ” I’ve got so much love….I’ve got so much love..”

In her statement about the situation, she spoke clearly and decisively about love, forgiveness, and commitment… while tacitly negating his blather about “soul mates”…

“I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal.”

Should she take him back?  Not for me to say but I can’t help but hope that it’s her sense of character and love that is passed along to those boys.

Well, this week was a double whammy — walks on the beach AND the watching of Amazing Grace, which told the life of William Wilberforce.   If there was ever one person in history with whom I’d like to have dinner, it’s Wilberforce.  It is, i’m sure, a gift and a curse to know your pure calling and to be faithful to it through the darkest of days and odds.