Not your mother’s feminist
January 9, 2010
Both before and since I’ve had children, few things have driven me as crazy as the debate over “motherhood VS. work.” Seems that our polarized nation of Democrat/Republican, stay at home/work outside the home, feminist/NOTfeminist language forces us too often in one camp or the other. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve felt alone on one side of the discussion around women’s roles.
Post college, I could not get enough Naomi Wolf and Katie Roiphe, not because I agreed with everything they preached in their new wave of feminism, but because they were talking a language that was relevant to my generation. They had a refreshing honesty about female independence. Yet it seemed completely devoid of any faith perspective.
Then I met Lilian Calles Barger. Not only did she bridge the world of intellectual feminism and faith together for me, but she refused to be trapped into all the big church-based questions that so many in my world got stuck on — “Can women lead in the church?”, “What is their proper ”role’?, etc. She rightly pointed out that so many in the faith community are navel gasing and talking amongst themselves — yet have nothing to offer to the broader academic community when it comes to feminism and its tenants. She dared to ask, “Why would (or should) we recommend wholesale rejection of feminist ideals without engaging thoughtful feminist academics on the basis of ideas?”
It’s Lilian who’s worked tirelessly to create a third way of feminism and faith discussion that avoids preaching, platitudes, and easy answers. Classic Lilian….in one of her blog entries from the summer:
“ Why can’t we get beyond this dicotomy between motherhood and work? Women, like men, have been created for two God given purposes, relationships and creative work. They are NOT mutually exclusive.”
Since she founded the Damaris Project in 1997, she has launched salons across the country to create forums for open, honest discussion about culture and feminism. Lilian has also gone on to write books on our view of the body and the role or experience of Christian feminism. I love her unending quest for Truth.
Emmanuel, God With Us
December 24, 2009
Finally, tonight we’ll be still and reflect on the miracle of Christmas. We’ll celebrate with Rob’s family here in our home. Another year nearly complete, another unfathomable array of blessings, not least of which are health, family and freedom. It is health, right now, which is particularly close to mind, brought home to me through the ongoing ups and downs around my mom and my aunt’s health. Perhaps our dear friend Jeff Peck said it better than I ever could as he and Marcie face down Hodgkins Lymphoma in their son Riley. Their last several weeks remind us of the vulnerability of our humaness and the ultimate goodness of God. I am in awe of their courage, grace under fire and humility….Below, is Jeff’s journal entry today…
“I spent a lot of time listening to the words of the Christmas music we played at home today while waiting for Riley to come home. I am stunned as if I was hearing it for the first time, at the absolute miracle of my heavenly Father sending His son into dire circumstances to grow up and become the suffering servant and sacrifice for my sins. As a parent, we continuely ache to subject Riley to treatments that cause him pain, which he doesn’t completely understand, but that will result in his healing. The love of God is just beyond words. So, please drink deeply from the well of joy and glad tidings that is Christmas–emmanuel, God with us.”
Merry Christmas.
Mercy
November 6, 2009
By most accounts, last night’s event was pretty standard Washington fare .. fancy house of an Ambassador, political jokes at the expense of both parties, accomplished speaker. But what broke through all the fluff was the small (yet powerful) voices of Monica, of Angelique — those lives transformed through Romanian Christian Enterprises (RCE).
I have not known suffering in my life, nor have my children… nothing remotely close to the kind of evil visited on poor, disabled, abandoned children in that country. For more than 15 years now, RCE has served them, clothed them, taught them, LOVED them, and often placed them in loving families — in Romania. Their work is so powerful and impact so great that not only do the local politicians support RCE, but the Romanian Federal government has given it its blessing and partnership.
The organization is living out the life essence of the Hebrew man Job. When we think of Job, we know he suffered, but we forget how he served…. Here from Job 29:12-17:
“I(L) delivered the poor who cried for help,
and the fatherless who had none to help him.
13(M) The blessing of him who was(N) about to perish came upon me,
and I caused(O) the widow’s heart to sing for joy.
14I(P) put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
my justice was like a robe and(Q) a turban.
15I was(R) eyes to the blind
and feet to the lame.
16I was a father to the needy,
and I searched out(S) the cause of him whom I did not know.
17I(T) broke(U) the fangs of the unrighteous
and made him drop his prey from his teeth.”
Each year, in Romania alone, nearly 5000 children exit the state system. They are essentially released to the streets, seemingly destined to perpetuate the cycle of hopelessness and hurt that has been visited on them. Evil spreads. Yet mercy spreads too and there is hope. There is a wideness to God’s mercy that is wider than the sea. But it begins with those who are faithful. God is using Romanian Christian Enterprises — and frankly the skills and dollars of people thousands of miles away — to bring healing.
Lord give me just a fraction of Job’s heart — your heart — and mercy.
Speed of Sound
October 20, 2009
It came and went so quickly….
I could be talking about our 20th High School class reunion, and in part, I am. It was an evening of laid back, unpretentious goodness.
But I’m also talking about the last 20 years of life. wow. It actually hit me that weekend. There is only one chance at life. No do-overs (for the most part). And it goes by fast. The decisions we make in our late teens and 20s will impact us in one way or another for years to come. In schooling. Love life. Career choices. I am stating the obvious. Yet, it’s not until you get to your mid 30s that you can really look back and see the collective impact of a number of choices along the way of life. Starting with..where to go off to school? And then…What job to take? Can I move away from the only thing I know as home? How long to stay at each job? If the second date could be worth it? With whom to stay in touch?
We attempt to reflect and simultaneously tell our selves there is no time to look back. Yet, we are where we are and who we are because of the big and small decisions along the road – and a big dose of Sovereignty that we (at least I) can’t quite explain. I’ve realized since that reunion weekend how fortunate I have been to have certain people in my life over the first half of it. How I am, in part, who I am because of role they have played in my life. Despite some of my choices, they have truly been God’s gracious gifts to me.
The coming years will speed by as my daughter grows into her own woman. How I wish to help her avoid some of the pain and angst it may take along her way, as she blossoms into who she is in Christ and figures out her own path. In typical Mia fashion, she’ll likely have some surprises for us — maybe rejecting the safe, the staid, the predictable…
She’s got “her whole life ahead of her” we so easily say.. Yet it will move lightening fast. I just know it. God, give her meaning. And help her mom continue to find it afresh in her own second half of life.
Good Butt Genes?
September 6, 2009
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about jeans….and genes… Jeans because we are on the verge of Fall and I realized 1) I really need to shed about 20 pounds to rightfully wear my Levis skinny jeans in public, and 2) my SevenforAllMankind Good Butt Jeans are the only pair I have… I am rightfully due for a shopping spree.
However, the more important genes on my mind recently have been those that I’ve inherited. My mother’s brush (still going on) with Cancer and my Grandma Good’s suffering from Alzheimer’s has brought a few realities of genetics (and dare I say, mortality) very close to home.
There may be a discoverable genetic predisposition to cancer on the Siegrist side of the House. As Mom’s doctors close in on a diagnosis after the last (non Ovarian cancer) weeks of uncertainty, we can take the next steps for her health. We’ll then look at the potential benefits we could find (as a family) in genetic counseling. As part of that, I want my Dad, my brother and me to explore the chances that each of us is in line for Alzheimers. The emerging research here gives us reason for hope….
It’s only due to the incredible work taking place in genomics today that we’re now getting closer to a place of actually knowing — and in my mind better preparing for — what may lie ahead for each of us…. The work of the incredible Francis Collins, who led NIH’s Human Genome mapping effort (and now runs the show at NIH)… has led to the birth of pioneering efforts like 23andme. And just this week, Linda Avey, one of 23andMe’s founders, announced that she is leaving the organization to start the Alzheimer’s Research Foundation. Linda lost a father in law to Alzheimers, a personal impact so close to home that she’s preparing to give all of her professional energy and expertise to the alleviation of this sad, heart-wrenching disease.
Though some genetic “gifts” (or in my deriere case “witholdings”) become clear much earlier in life, it is those yet undiscovered that are most fascinating… Linda, sign me up to for your trials.
Alive
August 1, 2009
It’s pretty tough to write a blog post on something as sobering as cancer while listening to the Black Eyed Peas “Alive”….BIDIA (But I’ll do it anyway), as I document what’s going on in our family on my mother’s side.
Thought her ovaries are now gone, thanks to a scheduled hysterectomy, my mother has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and will begin chemo in three weeks. My aunt Marti was diagnosed earlier this year with a form of abdominal cancer. And my aunt Eva was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year about this time…All of these different forms, each of these various stages and all discovered in different ways. Not since my Aunt Mim’s illness and death roughly 6 years ago has something like this hit our family so directly, yet never so frequently.
Siegrist blood runs through us...Mom, Mia, Marti and me
Genetics? Environmental? As of now, we don’t know. We’ve asked all the questions and will continue to ask more as my mom’s, my aunts’, and perhaps even my own path unfolds. We’ll study the disease, meet with the specialists at Johns Hopkins Ovarian Cancer Center, pray for healing — for all 3 women I mention, and seek peace amidst suffering.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that grace can sustain these women, all followers of Christ, all deeply loved not only by us (their family), but by the Creator of the Universe. My friend Sara Sicks, who wrote so beautifully and honestly on suffering last year as she was going through chemo for breast cancer, has summed it up in one of her posts…she says, “It is through the crucible of suffering that we can change and slowly become more beautiful ….. May God have his way with us so that we turn into the people we were meant to be, people who are joyful and satisfied with our place in God’s family (we are his beloved!).”
May we truly feel ALIVE… Indeed, ” I’ve got so much love….I’ve got so much love..”
Pride
July 5, 2009
I don’t agree with Ruth Marcus on very much, but on this, I think she has it right with her op-ed: Jenny Sanford, Role Model. Mrs. Sanford, wife of pathetic diarrhea-of-the-mouth Governor Mark Sanford, is neither playing the victim, nor enabling her husband’s disgressions. Although she’s left the door open to reconciliation, her pride and her basic sense of right and wrong, as well as caring about what her 4 boys see in the situation, have led her to leave Mark until he changes his scumbag ways.
In her statement about the situation, she spoke clearly and decisively about love, forgiveness, and commitment… while tacitly negating his blather about “soul mates”…
“I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal.”
Should she take him back? Not for me to say but I can’t help but hope that it’s her sense of character and love that is passed along to those boys.
Amazing Grace
February 27, 2009
There are a few things in life that cause you to ask yourself — am i doing what i’m supposed to be doing? Is our family where we are supposed to be? Am i working to my full potential and calling? I’m probably not too different from most people… For me, these reflection times range from everything like walks on the beach to elipticizing in my workout room, running on the streets of my neighborhood with my iPod (with my motimusic ringing), and of course watching a good biographical movie.
Well, this week was a double whammy — walks on the beach AND the watching of Amazing Grace, which told the life of William Wilberforce. If there was ever one person in history with whom I’d like to have dinner, it’s Wilberforce. It is, i’m sure, a gift and a curse to know your pure calling and to be faithful to it through the darkest of days and odds.
How Deep the Father’s Love for Us
February 9, 2009
I blogged several years ago that it was at a low and scary point in my life, when I was six months pregnant and hospitalized with a severe blood clot in my left leg, where I felt the most deep and overwhelming love of God towards me….a love I could not explain, but which rushed over me as I lay alone in the dark. It is that very real and vast and warm love that I hope for my friend Kristin right now as she experiences the loss of her husband Ray. As you can read on their family blog, Ray Fitzgerald fought a hard battle with cancer for less than a year, but God walked with them through the darkest of times and as Kristin puts it, even chose this road for them. From the moment Ray was diagnosed with stomach cancer to Kristin’s tribute to him and honesty about — now — his absence, they have been ”not alone and not afraid.” On their blog, there are numerous updates from Kristin and remarkable tributes from Ray’s old congressional boss, Rep. Shimkus.
Kristin herself calls attention to scripture:
“Praise be to the God andFather of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the suffering of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” – Psalm 68:5
Say it Isn’t So….
January 8, 2009
Little Connor James Neff died yesterday. Here is the story we received through email from my Aunt Norma Jean’s sister Nancy….
Connor is safely home with Jesus now. This morning when they took him off the respirator his lungs collapsed. That was the turning point. They took all the machines away, and Kelly held Connor on the rocking chair, and Jim knelt beside her, whispering to Connor. Bob and Pam and NJ and Larry (all grandparents) were there, and Connor’s heart stopped at about 11:20 this morning.
Bob and Pam are having lunch with NJ and Larry at their house. Jim and Kelly asked them to take all their things from the Ronald McDonald room, where they were staying, to their house before Jim and Kelly go there, and to put the baby things in the nursery and close the door. Norma Jean is expecting Jim and Kelly to come to their house this afternoon before they go home.
My heart aches for the parents going home to an empty nursery. Such wonderful expectations, and now such a different reality to deal with. Connor is safe, and we are sad.
so sad.